My Dad

my dad

I intended to post this in the New Year but changed my mind. So much guilt surrounds everything I do- or don’t do! Loosing my mother last year, I promised to spend more time with my dad . A great lover of the North Pennines and the person who first introduced me to England’s last great wilderness. I painted this mini portrait from a picture I taken on my phone, caught unawares as usual.

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23 Replies to “My Dad”

  1. Where does you dad live? I was so very sorry to hear about your mother 😦 I don’t have a relationship with my real mother unfortunately, but if I lost my dad I know it would kill me. You sound as sensitive to guilt as myself! All you can do is your best though. Don’t let guilt be your anchor. Your paintings of people always amaze me…how you capture expression! I LOVE your style.

    1. I’m sorry to hear about your mom Amber. Life is complicated and we do what we can to please all. My Dad lives only half an hour from us. Work and family become an excuse for not visiting enough, yet there is no excuse in truth, just guilt. I always appreciate your feedback, it’s very supportive and helps more than you know!

  2. I can sympathize about how difficult it can be to balance all the things we want to do with and for our loved ones. You’re probably doing more good than you realize right now. Has your dad seen this painting? I always wonder how people will like paintings or drawings of themselves… I really like the blues and greens and the expression on his face – it reminds me of the way my dad looks sometimes…

    1. Thank you Barbara. This painting helped me at the time, but I doubt I’ll ever show it to my Dad, for no real reason.
      But I do appreciate your comments on the colours in my painting. Hope you and yours are all well.

  3. Very sorry to hear abut your mom, Keith. I know it’s not easy, I lost my mom in 1998, but still miss her so much. It is natural to intend to spend more time with your dad, but life does not always permit us to do what we intend. You have a good heart and I’m sure the time you do spend with him is quality.
    It looks like you caught his unaware expression. Great portrait, Keith!

    1. Thank you Debbie. I had this ready to post and then changed my mind. Silly I suppose. If I were as good as my intentions then I might prove to be a better person. I’m sorry to hear about your mom, I’m still only learning with this grieving, but take great comfort from your own kind words.

  4. I think we do what we can. Somehow, as a Mom, I hope my children know I am grateful for any time they may spend with me but I am happy for their busy-ness. It means the things of life are playing out, once again, in the next generation. I am happier when they are happy, not that they spend a lot of time with me. A phone call goes a LONG WAY.
    Awesome portrait with color. A moment in time and time well spent.

    1. Leslie, what you say is so true – “I am happier when they are happy.” No matter how old my children get knowing they are happy and busy gives me so much pleasure, and I can tell that my dad, even though he suffers from dementia, is happy to hear my voice bringing him some newsy chatter about “the things of life.” Thanks for expressing it that way!

    1. Thank you Linda. It’s one of my few portraits that bares some resemblance (IMO). I haven’t shown it to him, even though I publish this blog, I’m very careful about who I share my work work with,
      which sounds strange I know.

  5. As we’ve discussed, we both lost our mom’s last year. It makes you realize how much we should try to spend time with family and friends. I really love this portrait of your dad. You’ll look back on it and remember that day you took the photo.

    I did a painting of my mom when she was in the nursing home. It’s somewhere on my blog. When I look at it, it makes me a little sad, but I remember those days visiting her and taking her out in the yard so she can sleep in the sun, which she loved.

    Oooops, sorry, didn’t mean to go on and on. Great portrait. Do more!

  6. I think it’s probably normal to feel a bit guilty about these sorts of things – it’s hard juggling everything & if we never were aware of not spending as much time as we’d like with certain people we’d probably have become totally insensitive. Just as I’m writing this now I’m suddenly feeling terrible as I was just reminded I was supposed to be skyping my son! Better go!

  7. Keith, it’s very difficult to do anything that is associated with feelings of guilt, I understand that. And I know the feeling of wanting to post something related to a strong emotion and then changing ones mind. I’m glad you posted it though.

    What we feel we should do and what we actually do are two different things. After he died, I wished I’d spent more time with my dad, but then there’s nothing I could have done differently at the time because he was a rather demanding person and tired me. (Which is not to say I didn’t love him).

    I lost my mum ten years before dad died. I still grieve for both of them, but it gets easier as time passes. You’re still in the early stages of grief, so try not to be so hard on yourself.

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